Monday, August 31, 2009

Day 7

I don't know about anyone else but the weekends are when I'm at my worst.  I didn't eat to well or exercise much but I didn't go over board.  I always messed up during the weekends but I'm to change it.  I'm not going to allow myself to give up.  I will tell that little voice in my head that it's not alright to overeat and not exercise on the weekends.

Today, is the start of my second week and I have already started getting my eating back on track.  I have my eat for the day all planed out so I can stick to the plan.  I found out that if I didn't plan what I was going to eat that I would eat something not good for me.  Like if I didn't have apples planed for a snack I would eat a candy bars.  I know I can totally take chocolate out of my life because if I do I would be craving it.  Then I would go buy a big bag of Candy and it almost all of it.  Which I don't want to do at all!!!

I've been trying to get in at least 10 cups of water a day.  It's not too hard to do when I'm at home because I usually don't drink pop.  But when I'm away from home running errand it is harder to get in all the water in for the day and  I something buy a big fountain pop to keep me going.  I also like to drink some ice tea or green tea during the day.

My plan for exercising today is to do at least 30mins.  I will be doing an exercise tape for a 2 mile walk that take 30mins then hopefully I will do some crunches or weights.  I need to make time for myself to get my exercises in because if I don't I will never get them done.

I'm a little stressed because tomorrow is the girls first day of school. JoEllen and MaKayla will be in 2nd grade and I don't worry so much about them.  They have many friend at school plus my friend Candace work at the school and will keep an eye out for them.  Amber will be starting her very first day of school tomorrow afternoon.  She will be in 4yr old Kindergarten and this makes me a little sad.  She growing up so fast and I'm lossing my little girl.  I felt this way with JoEllen and MaKayla also but got over it after awhile.  This will leave only Levi home in the afternoon which will free up a little more of my time.  I don't know how he will act without his sisters around to play with but we will have to learn to deal with it.

For anyone who reads my blog please help support me.  Any little comment or suggestions would help a lot.  I have been trying to find other weight loss blog so I can help them also.  I think with some more support from other help us all in the long run.  So if you have a blog let me know so I can help support you.

Thanks April

Friday, August 28, 2009

day 5

Today was weight in day and I have lost 5 pounds this week!! I was glad to see I had lost that much weight but I know not to expect it every week. Because some weeks will lose some and others you may not. Last night was open house at the school so we took the girls up there so they could drop of their school supplies. Also they got to see were their room was and meet the teachers. Amber will be 4yr kindergarten so she was a little shy meet her teacher but I know she will come out her shell after a couple of days.  I had a very busy day with my children.

First, I had to take JoEllen and MaKayla to the Dentist because they were getting sealant on their molars. We ended up canceling MaKayla's appointment because she had a bad cough. JoEllen also need a couple of baby teeth pulled because her adult teeth were coming in wrong. I was really surprised because she sat real still and didn't care at all.  Not something you expect from a 7yr old but I'm glad it went well.

I also took MaKayla into the doctor's office for the cough.  Found out that she has a sinus infection and an ear infection in the left ear.   She is now on oral medication for sinus infection and ear drop for ear infection.  So hopefully she will be better in a couple of days.

We also had to supplies for the week and it was fun.  My son Levi is getting to bottom teeth and he had a heat rash so he was very crabby.  I don't blame him at all because if I was going through it I would feel the same way.  So with him being crabby it took a little long to get some of the stuff.

I didn't do to well with my eating because I didn't eat the right things.  It was a little hard when you are gone from the house from 11am until 4:30pm.  So I overate after I got home but I will not totally bum me out.  Usually I would just give up and keep on eating but I will not let myself go of the deep end.  I forgive myself and will learn from my mistake.  Tomorrow will be a new day and I will continue on this journey.

I keep telling myself that I can do this.  I'm like Thomas the toy train I keep letting myself "I think I can, I think I can!"


Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Day 3

I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to update yesterday. I had a little scary with my son but all is well. Today, he was a little crabby because he is getting a couple of teeth.

I'm proud of myself because I gone 2 nights without binging before bed. I also haven't gotten up during the middle of the night to eat either. I'm trying to take baby steps to thing rolling on my weight loss. I have to decide if I'm going to either count calorie with sparkspeople or do weight watchers points. I have had some success on both so I don't know what I will do yet. I started to read the book Half-assed and I'm hoping that it will help motivate me.

I have always dreamed that will be thin, happy and very loved. I should know that I'm loved but I still have doubts. Will I ever be healthy and happy? I hope so!!

All my family lives in South Dakota which is an 8 to 8 1/2 hr drive from here. Some day I wish I lived closer to my family and other that I'm glad I don't. If I lived closer I would have a bigger support group for me which would help a lot. I would be able to go to the health club to work because I would have someone to babysit my children. My husband is currently working a lot of overtime because he training from maintenance. So his hours vary between all shifts. Another with being closer to my family would be the increased stress. I have three sisters who always made fun of me about my weight and thought they were better than me. So I would always worry about what they will say or what they are thinking. Two of my sister have put on a some extra weight but they don't seem to mind it. I think they still believe they are thin and better than me. I try not to care but it still hurts.

My husband tries to support me with trying to get healthier but he doesn't alway understand what I'm going through. He is a little bit overweight but he not worried about at all. He tells me "I love you just the way you are and I don't care what you weigh." I have a hard time believing him because how can he love me when I can even love myself! He doesn't seem to realize that when he sit down in front of me eating some dessert, candy or ice cream that he is temping me to eat it too.   I also way seem to give into temptation!! Then he will say "I thought you were dieting." It always seem to hurt after his comment and he doesn't realize what he has done. I have to forgive him because I love him.

My children can be really stressful! I have twin 7yr olds, 4yr old and a 1yr old.  So I'm really busy trying to keep them out of trouble or to get them to bed.  I seem to eat when I'm stress. Of course it could be because I'm an emotional eater.  They don't understand that their Mommy is trying to get healthier so we can always get snack foods. They are alway asking for candy, swiss cake rolls and ice cream.  Right now my children are not overweight but I really worry about it happening. I don't wish for them to have the life I did growing up. Children and adults can be very mean to overweight children. I remember getting call Grape Ape and alway getting pick last for games. I hate this part of my life.  Hopefully I can lose the weight so I can take them to the park and play with them. I want to be the best role model for them I can be so I need to successed!!!

I'm sure we all have had your own problems with making and keeping friends. I know growing up I some really good friends who are still friend but live very far away. I have a lot of good memories from spending time with them and they didn't care I was overweight. Since I'm overweight and a little shy I seem to have a problem finding friends. I have some trust issues and some of that come from my real father not spending time with me when I was growing up. I alway thought it was because I was overweight but he says it's because he gave up his right to me to so my stepfather could adopt me. He is trying to make amends but I can't totally trust him. I'm afaid of getting hurt!!

My closes friend around here is Candace. She just got divorce and has one child. She also has some weight issused and wants to lose the weight. I have try to help her by asked her if we could support each other.  We could exercised together and get together for weigh ins.  She says yes but never goes through with it.   If I try to call her to find out if she is comming over she either doesn't return my calls or says she can.  I hopefully she will change her mind and wants my support.  I understand she is scared she will fail.   I 'm scared also but I'm willing to try again.  What kind of life would we have if we don't take chances.

I know I need to work on my emotional eating and also my overeating.   I'm going to take it one day at a time and forgive myself for mistakes.  There will be a lot of ups and downs but I have to keep on going. I seem to totally give up when I make a mistake! I will be working on a lot if issuse and learning to reconized when I full.  Right now full to me is when I'm in pain and it has to change. I also need to learn to forgive and love myself so I can have a happy life.

Well I have to get my husband up for work and then go to bed myself.  I need to get use to getting up early again since school starts next Tues.


Monday, August 24, 2009

Week 1

Today, was offiically my first day on my journey to a healthier me! I know this will be a really rough road but I'm willing to try my best to get there. There will be up and down but I will not give up!

Some way or another we all get a wake-up call which starts us on the journey to a new way of life.  For some it is new developing health reason or some reason that make us realize we don't want to live this way anymore. Mine came a couple days ago when I got up and one of my 7yr old twin give me an important #. The # was from an informaical for weight loss. She said "Mom here is a # that will help you loss weight so you would be fat anymore!" I know she didn't mean to hurt my feeling but it did. I tried not to cry which is exactly what I wanted to do. I also wanted to go into my room and never come out. I had to ask myself what kind of a role model I was to my children.  Well not a very good one but I want work to be a better one!

My eating today started out well but hit a snag around noon. I had a plan to eat a healthy meal but a some summer sausage and string cheese instead. I know it was because I was very hungry and I need to eat now. I know it is only the first day and I will do better tomorrow. I did make up for it by not eating an afternoon snack. My supper was 4 1/2 oz of chicken breast, med. bake potato without butter and a salad with light ranch dressing. I only used 1 serving of light ranch and I split between the potato & salad. I plan on working in more fruits and veggies.

I went for a little walk with my children. It is hard to go very fast when you have twin 7yr old, a 4yr old and a 17mo old with you. But I at least go in some exercise and it was about a mile. I plan on exercising at least 30mins a day. I have elliptical machine but it is very noisy so I don't use it much. But that has to change! I also want to working some more exercising such as a dancing workout. I have been watching Dance your *** off and I want to get their workout video. It doesn't offically go on sale until the 15th so I have to wait.

I find it hard to figure out when I am really hungry or if it is just my emotions. My inner self is not very good to me. It always says "Go ahead and eat it!" "We will start again tomorrow." This is a never ending cycle for me and I have to find a way to break it. I also seem to hit a road block after I lose at least 20# which causes me to completly fall of the wagon. I need to learn to forgive myself and move on without totally blowing it. I"m hope by writing this blog and getting imput from other that I can do this.

I know I can to do this. I think I can, I think I can. I need to keep telling myself this over and over. Please try to understand I not very good at writting a blog but hopefully I will get better.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Little about myself

I'm 35 yrs old and I have been overweight almost all my life. I have been married for almost 9 yrs to a very wonderful man. Almost 10 yrs ago I moved from South Dakota to Wisconsin leaving the safety of my family. I'm also a stay at home mom of 4 beautiful children.

I can't even remember how many diet I have try and failed. If I were to label myself I would  an emotional and a overeater. I know doctor say at obesity is not a disease but a person's lack of willpower. Well I would disagree with them!! I think of food from the moment I get up til the moment I go to bed. I wouldn't doubt it that I dream about food. I can't remember how much I weigh in grade school but I know I was 250# when I graduated from High School. My highest weight since then was 311# and my lowest was 170#. I currently weight 282# and would like to get down to 165.

I had Gastric Bypass surgery back in Nov. 1998 which help me lose  141#. I love my new body except of course the extra skin I had around my belly. I kept the weight off for 2yrs until I started taking Drugs to IVF. My husband and I were able to get pregnant on our own so we had to do IVF. After the first treatment I was pregnant with twins. All during the pregnancy I forced myself to eat which streatched out my stomach. I gain over 50 pounds and never got rid of it. After another pregnancy 3 yrs later I gain even more weight and went back to my bad eating habits!

In March 2007 I decided to take diet pill to lose weight. I lost 40 pounds from March until Aug then I could seem to lose anymore weight and I was alway sick. So I went back to the Doctor because I though it was because of my IBS. After a couple of questions and exam of my belly she decided it was my IBS and was going to give me medicine. She asked my if I was pregnant and of course I said no but you can run a pregnancy test. Lab tech came out after the test to tell me I was pregnant!! Big Surprise because my husband and I had a slim to none chance of getting pregnant on our own. I called my Husband to tell him I was pregnant and he called me a liar. I don't blame him because we were suppose to get pregnant.  So during and after this last pregnancy I gain the weight back. Now I need to start again!!